theres nothing worse than this
At 2.30 today, I was picked up from school. Iwas "comforted" by all my friends, yet it was no help. I was brought home by my mother. This led to me taking a walk with my unfortunate doggie and my dad. I was so upset I almost cried right then. I refused to though. Anyhow, afterwards, I watched Blind Date until it was time to go. My mom was forced to stay home with Kelly and Meghan while my dad and I went to the vet with Shelb. I think I cried in the car. I'm not sure. We reached the vet in a matter of minutes. It's not very far, so yeah. Hooking the leash to Shelby's neck, we walked her inside. I began to cry when one doctor asked us what we were there for and my dad answered that we were putting her down and the vet said: Oh Im so sorry. I just sat on the bench and wept. My dad went out to get tissues and then came back, of course. That same doctor that had given us condolences led us to room number 3. It was a cat's room. I could tell by all the feline pictures on the walls. We played with her until the nurse came in to fasten in Shelby's cartharage or whatever it was. I cannot remember for the life of me what it was called. But anyway, we made small talk when we were waiting. No use in talking about Shelby; it would just make things worse. Shelby and the nurse came back in. We fed Shelby some treats. This was the first time she had eaten in 5 days. Yes, five. Then, a nice lady-vet came in. (Almost like a she-wolf but not) ::Trying to joke to cheer myself up:: She asked us if we had done everything we could and told us she had had high hopes for Shelby's survival. (I did too) She brought in the valium with which to let her go. We got an extra second, however, because the carthage thing had clogged and wasn't working. Thank god for that. By this time though I was bawlig uncontrollably. How was I ever to live without her? She was my saving grace for all those years, the only person I could ever cry to. An assistant was brought in as well as a mat for Shelb to lie on. I held her head as the medicine was injected. First one shot, then the second. I watched her slowly drift off into deep slumber. One which she would never come back from. The vet took her stethoscope and placed it upon Shelby's body. Next thing I know, she says: She's gone. I cried hysterically. The assistant went out and got me tissues because I was crying so hard. I cannot believe my dad didnt cry. He was so close to her as well. We were allowed as much time with her as we wished to have. When the vet came back in, I asked for some of Shelby's hair to take home and her ashes. We're planning on spreading them in the backyard, her former most favorite place to go. It still seems so surreal and unbelievable. Why is my dog gone? Even the vet said, although she lived a pretty long one, Shelby's life was cut short. She deserved to live. I cannot tell you how much I have cried today. Moreso than ever before I believe. Well, I guess she's in a better place now. At lesat her life was spent with my family instead of someone else's right? But if only I could see her one last time. Just once more. That's all I ask. Just one time more to hug her and to play with her.
I love you Shelby and always will. You were my first dog and will always be remembered. Goodbye.
Current Mood: dismal,sullen,sad,distant
Current Music: distressed,overwhelmed,melancholy,downhearted,beaten,unloved